Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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