That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
