If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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