If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
