I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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