Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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