the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
