is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
