the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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