He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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