I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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