she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
