when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
