She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
