Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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