Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
