I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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