Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
