I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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