I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
