its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
