I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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