I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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