WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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