Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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