Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
