im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
