She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
