Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
