the new term for farting is butt boxing.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
