I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
