I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i think i just lost a toe
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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