I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
