I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
