I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
