Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
