i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
