alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
