fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
