Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
