Im at strip club and am horny
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
