It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
