WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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