Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
