i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
