if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
did i just pee glitter
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
