3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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