I want to stick my p in your. b.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
