So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
