Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I looked at my own cervix.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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