How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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