I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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