My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
