its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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