on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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